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She’s Just Not That Into You : Segment 2

February 11, 2010 Leave a comment

Here is the next segment of She’s Just Not That Into You : Segment 1

6) She’s just not that into you, if she’s not responding to your texts or calls soon enough:
When a girl is into a guy, she is usually very attentive to her phone. This means when you send a text message, she probably reads it as soon as she got it, and if you call, she will pick up if she can. If you get a delayed response, with no explanation for the delayed response, don’t get a response before you end up sending another text to her, or she replies very bluntly, she’s just not that into you. Then again she could just be playing that “let him chase me” game, and thinks it’s to her safety to keep you guessing. You can thank the schmut that she dated before you for this.

You receive one-worded texts

7) She’s just not that into you, if she sends you one-worded texts:
It’s been found that most girls hate receiving one-worded, or even one-lettered text messages. It’s annoying, why send another text just to say “k”? So, if a girl is doing this to you, that means she probably isn’t really wanting to carry on much of a conversation with you. You may occasionally get these types of texts, but if you are getting them constantly, then she just may not be that into you.

8 ) She’s just not that into you, if she doesn’t occasionally offer to pick up the tab:
When a girl is into a guy, she will at some point offer to pick up the tab. Or won’t even offer, will just beat you to it. If she never offers, always expects you to get it, or totally hesitates before she throws money in, she just may not be that into you. Girls like to take care of the guy that she likes, and if she actually does like him, she has an appreciation for him always picking up the tab, and will thus offer to herself.

9) She’s just not that into you, if she’s not sleeping with you anymore:
We could go into why a girl isn’t sleeping with you at all, but let’s focus on why she isn’t anymore. So perhaps you started hanging out with a girl you used to date, hang out with, or just hook up with. Whichever the case, you had slept together before, and now she won’t sleep with you. Or you’re still hanging out with someone and they just stop wanting to have sex with you. You figure, “we were sleeping together before, why wouldn’t she want to anymore?” Well, I hate to say it but she’s just not that into you….anymore. Another likely possibility is that she is sleeping with someone else and prefers to sleep with them, but likes hanging out with you still. Still, it means she’s just not that into you. Getting even more in depth, she could be in the process of getting back together with someone else, she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and just end it, so instead she just stops sleeping with you while you two slowly grow apart, and she then doesn’t feel guilty about sleeping with someone else as far as that other guy goes.

She won't sleep with you anymore

You can also look at it this way: was she just getting out of a relationship or something with another guy when she slept with you? You should know the term: REBOUND.
Or, what if you were that person that hurt her before. Sometimes when hurt, girls, after being pushed away, will eventually come to a point, if you push her away hard enough, that she doesn’t have the slightest bit of interest in you or attraction to you anymore. No matter how much she was into you before, emotional damage you did to her in the past could have damaged her attraction to you as well.

10) She’s just not that into you, if she doesn’t dance with you:
So some girls just might not like to dance because they think they can’t or whatever. But if you’ve got a girl here that you know likes to get down and dance with her friends all the time, well if she likes you she’ll probably dance with you. If she’s just not that into you, she may try and avoid to dance with you. If she’s dancing with everyone else, you notice she tries to get her friends to pull her towards them when you try to dance with her, or she makes up some excuse that she’s going to run to the restroom real quick when you try to dance with her, then, you guessed it, she’s just not that into you. When a girl is totally into a guy she will try getting him to dance with her whether he wants to or not. If you notice she doesn’t want to dance with you, don’t keep trying, it’s just going to make her more uncomfortable, and make her just not that much more into you.

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Stage 5 Clingers

February 2, 2010 Leave a comment

So you’re going through that dating stage, and whether or you’re looking for a potential relationship, or just a casual dating type thing, there are certain aspects you look for in a person, and certain aspects that turn you away from a person. One such aspect is a Stage 5 Clinger.

Don't be a Stage 5 Clinger

What’s a Stage 5 Clinger you ask? Well, it’s someone, guy or girl, who gets attached and clingy really fast or really bad, sooner than they should at all.  According to Urban Dictionary, a Stage 5 Clinger is “A member of the opposite sex that is likely to become overly attached, overly fast. Virgins, those on the rebound, and the emotionally fragile are more likely to have this term applied to them. Originally from the movie Wedding Crashers.”

 There’s defenses and offenses to getting attached to someone. One might become clingy super fast as an insecurity or maybe they’re just really digging you, but as a security one should never get too clingy too soon, when it’s too soon to determine if there’s potential relationship material there or not.

Getting attached to someone too soon could be dangerous for you yourself, as not even knowing this person that well yet, no matter how much you tell yourself “but we connected right away and so well and I’m really comfortable with them” can be bad.  On the other side of the equation, allowing someone to feel this way about you too soon is dangerous as well.  You can end up hurting them, and as common decency, you don’t want to do that. Plus, if you managed to rope a crazy one, who knows what they could end up doing to your car.

So what are some signs of a Stage 5 Clinger?
For sake of not getting too confused we are going to call the person in question “Clinger” whether it’s determined if they are one or not yet.  This way in looking at the signs, you don’t get confused with who’s being talked about in the mumble jumble of he’s, she’s, the opposite sex, etc.  And, sometimes I will be talking in general on ways to not be a clinger.

1) Jealousy too soon
 So you just met or just started hanging out and let’s say, oh, a week goes by.  You all go out with friends or just each other, and already “Clinger” is playing the jealous card.  Say you’re dancing with friends, and you are dancing with one that is of the opposite sex.  You’re clearly just having a good time dancing, but “Clinger” gets upset at you for dancing with another person of the opposite sex and clearly either states that, or acts jealous and tries to storm out.  Nonchalantly too.  You don’t belong to this person yet.  Not even close, so who are they to start making some claim on you already?  It might be time to reassess the situation of dating this person already. 

Blowing up your phone

2) Blowing up your phone
We all know there is some stupid unwritten rule that has been implanted in our brains whether we decide to follow it or not we think about it, that after first meeting or hanging out with someone that you should wait that dreaded number THREE days before trying to call or text them.  If someone is interested in you, they will call or text you.  Whether it’s the next day, or 2, 3 days, or even more away.  Point is if they are interested and they like you, they will want to see you again.  So, “Clinger” texts you right away from the minute you part.  Okay it might be a kind of cute, “nice hanging out with you tonight” sort of end to the night type thing.  But,  if the next day you wake to a text from them, or they are blowing your phone up all day for the next few days before you were planning on seeing them again, this might be a sign.  If they are constantly asking you what you are doing, as if they have some insecurity that you could be with someone else, you might need to tell them to chill. 

3) Too cutesy too fast
You are getting cutesy messages or comments at what you feel is too fast.  They tell you I wish you were here in bed with me, my bed feels empty, I want to cuddle, I miss you already, etc.    Or, they start calling you cutesy names way too soon when you haven’t even established if you’re dating or not yet.  The baby baby baby, sweetie, darling, sweethearts is too soon, especially if you’re not even comfortable holding the person’s hand in public yet. (If the girl is the “Clinger”, they get a shorter allowed time span, whereas if a guy starts doing this too soon, it’s worse then if a girl does, as they are not usually the ones to start with the cutesy names for awhile).  If you haven’t at any way hinted that you want to talk mushy talk yet but they clearly are talking to you like this, you might have a Stage 5 Clinger on your hands.  And, if they keep calling you the cutesy names and are delusional to the fact you haven’t once said anything remotely like that yet, then they’re getting a little ahead of themselves.

4) They spoil you
It is nice to receive gifts from someone you’re seeing, let’s you know they’re thinking about you, but in discretion.  If you are constantly being bombarded by flowers and whatnot, and again you havn’t established anything past “hanging out” you might want to be cautious.  Say you have only been hanging out with “Clinger” for a little while and there is a holiday coming up such as Christmas, and they get you a gift.  First, again, you havn’t established anything with this person yet, and second, gift giving is usually made between two people that have known each other and been hanging out for a good period of time.  Even more in the safe zone of knowing it’s okay to give someone a gift, is if you know you’ve had a steady little “relationship” going for awhile where you know each other is interested in one another.

5) They give you their itinerary
If “Clinger” feels the need to tell you their daily itinerary, from where they went, what they did, to what they ate, and you didn’t even ask, this could be annoying.  Unless you are in a defined relationship, you should still be on the edge of your seat of what’s okay to randomly text the person you are interested in.  You should still be on your guard, not totally dependent on the idea that you have nothing to worry about.  And, if you do have insecurities about where you are with this person, you definitely do not show it.  Part of people just randomly giving you their itinerary of the day is in hopes that you will respond back with what your itinerary of the day is. 

If only it was this easy to tell

6) They Google you
They look into everything you say. Or they “google” things they know about you based off of your Facebook info.  Hello, it’s called conversation, wait to have it.
>You can have an interest in what someone is interested in, but don’t go into stalker mode.   If you do see their Facebook information, don’t just blurt out the next time you talk to them, “Oh so you like this this this n that….” as if you already know their whole life.  It is okay to out of curiosity maybe google something that someone was talking about that you knew nothing about; for example if the person said Peter Lik’s photography is amazing, you are going to have a natural curiosity to go check out some of his work and see just how amazing it really is.  However, if you suddenly start finding out the life history of Peter Lik, buying copies of his work, or looking for art shows with him to try and impress the other person, that is a little much.  It’s okay to be like “I looked up Peter Lik’s stuff and I really liked the Sunlit Birches photo”.  Again, taking an interest in the other person’s interests is OKAY, but going home and doing your homework on a person’s interest is not okay.  And, it becomes clear when “Clinger” is doing this, as they will make it obvious in their conversation with you.

7) A one night stand gone wrong
You meet someone, you hook up, and you really planned that it would just be a one night stand.   Well the person seems to not have grasped this concept although you may have made it obvious, and constantly is blowing up your phone.  Then, after awhile of not answering them, they start to get angry, and send you angry messages saying you’re a dick, a bitch, you know, things along those lines.  Don’t even try and “tap” that again, just run.  This is clearly not someone you would want to try and date if they are so quick to over react.  If you did decide to give this person another chance, they would probably just turn into a Stage 5 Clinger. 

8 ) They’re in your driveway
So, you decide not to hang out with “Clinger” one night, and you’re out, and you start getting weird messages from “Clinger”.  They’re asking what you’re doing, where are you, then you get the wierd messages: “Why aren’t you at home?  You said  you were going to stay home tonight.  I don’t see your car at home. I’m in your driveway.”  Your situation just went from “maybe they’re just getting attached too fast” to “okay, they’re crazy”.  You’ve got a major Stage 5 on your hands and need to cut off all ties while you can. 

What to do if you do have a Stage 5 Clinger:
9) Run Away
Either you can totally just drop the person if it’s become too much. Especially if it reaches the creepy level.  But if you have discovered the person is a TRUE Stage 5 Clinger, you have to cut them loose.  Try and do it in the most decent way you know how, and if they’re so clingy that that doesn’t work, you may just want to change your number despite the fact you have stopped responding to them for awhile now.

10) Work on it
If you do actually like the person but you feel they’re getting clingy too fast, and you need some more space then you’re getting, then just communicate that with them.   Don’t be quick to just drop them without communicating to them first how you feel.  Unless they show absolute signs of crazy, it might be something you could work out.  Some people come from other relationships and are used to one lifestyle of being with someone and may not even know they are being clingy because it was something they got used to with the last person.  Some people might not be sure how you operate and are just going with what they think they should with you.  Either way, if you liked the person before you decided to label them a clinger, try talking to them about it first.  If things don’t get any better after that, well at least you tried.

Look, sometimes you can’t tell if someone  is a Stage 5 Clinger until it’s too late.  You can try and use the signs above to help you figure it out, but when it comes down to it, you’re just going to have to use your better judgement.  And, everyone is different and works in their own ways.  Don’t be quick to label a person a Stage 5 Clinger, and just be done with it, because you could misjudge someone and miss out on a great opportunity.  It’s okay to have some sort of attachment to each other, but it’s up to you to determine how much is too soon, and how soon too soon is.  Always have your guard up and be cautious of the people you are dating.

She’s Just Not That Into You : Segment 1

January 19, 2010 1 comment

So by now almost everyone has heard of or seen “He’s Just Not That Into You”, a movie based on the book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.  At least, most women have.  And, not long after seeing the movie, if they hadn’t seen the movie because they read the book, go out and buy the book.  It’s become a sort of Bible to dating for women, so it seems.  So, we get it Greg, you’re telling us all the ways to know a guy just isn’t into us.  But what about the vice versa situation?  Some guys don’t know when to take the hint that a girl is just not that into him.

So gentleman, here are some signs and situations to being able to tell that “she’s just not that into you”.

1) She’s just not that into you, if she says she has a boyfriend:
Whether or not the girl actually has a boyfriend, it does not matter. If she is trying to make it clear that she has a boyfriend, whether it is obvious she is lying through her teeth or not, then she’s just not that into you.

Don't be fooled: She's just not that into you

Situation: Dude sees girl. Dude thinks girl is pretty. Dude wants girl’s number.  So said dude bugs the girl’s friends for her number but she tells them to tell him that she has a boyfriend.  Dude doesn’t believe the friends or still does not care, and continues to persist.  Even if the girl just straight out tells the dude herself that  “sorry I have a boyfriend” Dude will sometimes still persist.  If the girl has to revert to using one of her guy friends to pretend to be her boyfriend, the dude should by now really get the hint

Look  even if the signs are apparent that she does not have a boyfriend, she’s doing everything she can to make it seem like she does have a boyfriend.  Clearly she is not interested, so stop persisting.  Please take the hint and save yourself the shame of her just straight coming out and saying “I’m just not interested in you!”, or something even more embarrassing.  Truth is guys, boyfriend or not if a girl is even remotely interested or finds you attractive, she won’t automatically revert to the “I have a boyfriend” defense.

2) She’s just not that into you, if she says you’re not her boyfriend:
If a girl likes you enough that she is considering the possibilities that you could some day be her boyfriend, she will never point out to you “well you’re not my boyfriend”, especially when it comes to an argument where she is defending herself.  Granted, she may have thought about it before, but as soon as she says that little statement, well you might as well move on guys. 
If you’re out with people and someone, especially a good-looking guy, asks her “is this your boyfriend?” and she is quick to reply “no he’s not my boyfriend” without that “he’s-not-my-boyfriend-yet-but-I’m-not-sure-what-to-call-him” hesitation, then she’s just not that into you. Especially if she doesn’t give you that awkward glance first.  If she seems pretty confident in saying you’re not her boyfriend, don’t expect this “relationship” to go very far.

3) She’s just not that into you, if she doesn’t want to spend the night:
If a girl likes you, she will take the opportunity to sleep over if you let her.  Even if she has somewhere to be in the morning, she’ll at least come over for most of the night.  But, if she actually has nothing to do in the morning, and still won’t sleep over, then she most likely is not interested in you.  And this is after the point you have determined this is not a conservative church-going celebant.  If the two of you have hung out for a while now and the opportunity for her to sleep over has been presented multiple times and she has not taken one, that might be a bad sign.  Even better, if she has been drinking and would rather take the risks of drunk driving then sleep over even though you insisted, I would just throw in the towel now on the chances of her ever sleeping over.

4) She’s just not that into you, if she is using you for your hookups:
So your friend works at a club and you can get that girl and her friends on the guest list cover free.  She takes your offer and shows up.  You are ecstatic, because this chick, who is all dressed up with her clubbing mafia, actually showed up.  You are thinking she must be into you, she actually came, or you are glad it worked.  This doesn’t mean that she is into you dude!  It could simply mean she was just using you.  Or maybe by not being interested in you, she was just naïve to your intentions and saw it as a generous offer.  Look, sometimes guys think they can win a woman’s heart by impressing her materialistically.  And sometimes, “girls just wanna have fun”.

5) She’s just not that into you, if she’s letting you buy her drinks:
Just because a girl let’s you buy her a drink, does not mean she is into you.  This should be obvious in this day and age, but some guys are still oblivious to it. 

Situation: You are at a bar and a girl catches your eye; you approach her and either offer to buy her a drink right away or make small talk first then offer to buy her a drink.  She let’s you and you think, “awesome a chance to keep talking, hit the dance floor, and maybe even get a number”.  Most of the time, these types of guys are wrong.  The statistics are pretty high that women often will accept one drink from a random guy, maybe linger a little as gratitude for the drink, then give an excuse such as “I’ll be right back I have to….”
    >”use the bathroom real quick”
    >”go grab my friend”
    >”check on my friend”
    >”make a phone call
    >”go dance with my friends”
    > etc., you get the idea by now I hope.

Even if you are a bartender, or a DJ, and the same girls keep coming back to your bar, consider this: do you always give her free drinks, or drink cards, passes, anything FREE?  Chances are if you have been, that is why she and her friends keep coming back to you. It’s not that they’re interested in you persay, but that they would rather go to the bar where they know they won’t be paying anything and can still have a good time.

10 Post-Breakup Remedies

September 22, 2009 Leave a comment
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

1) Let It Out
    -Go ahead, vent, whine, rant and cry or yell to your friends, express your feelings.  Getting it all out right away is the first step to moving on. Wallow then move on.  Don’t let it build inside because then you’ll just fester over it longer. 

2) Friends & Getting Out
      -Go out with your friends, have a good time, dance, sing, laugh, whatever, just make sure you’re having a good time.  Trust me when you can laugh with your friends, he won’t even cross your mind.
      -Go ahead and go to the bars or clubs with your friends.  Don’t play the rebound card, but go ahead and flirt with new guys, let them buy you drinks, even jump on the dancefloor if you want to.  An ego boost never hurts.
      -Take a roadtrip.  There’s so much to explore, you won’t have time to think about “him”.  Getting away to a new town always helps from feeling suffocated too.

3) Change your hair:
      a)Get a hair cut.
      b)Change your hair color. Dye it. Highlight it. Whatever.
      -Neither of these  have to be a drastic change, or they can be.  Either way you have something you need to go home and play with now, and figure out how you’re going to style it.  They’re good time consumers, and time consumption means distractions from thinking about “him”.  Plus when your new hair style is all done and looking hot, you’ll be happy with the way you look, and in a better mood.  For women, if they think they look good, they feel good.  And this could be just the confidence booster you need to get out, have fun, maybe meet someone new, and realize you’re better than “him” anyways.

Retail Therapy

Retail Therapy

4) Retail Therapy
      -If you got the cash, go indulge yourself in some retail therapy.  Get a cute or hot new outfit that you know you’ll look good in.  Next step: flaunt it.  Take your new hair, your new outfit, and go show it off to the world.  New clothes, new shoes, and new accessories always makes a girl feel better. It’s just in our nature.  If you don’t have the extra cash, well if you can do cheap, there’s always those random asian clothing stores that have random cute things for cheap, or stores like Forever 21. Go ahead and spend a little, you deserve it.

5) Beauty
     a) Nails – Get your nails done whether it’s a mani- or a peti-, cleaned up, painted nails, or acrylics/white tips… the girlier you feel, the better you feel.  Again, feeling pretty doesn’t hurt in the process to getting over a guy.  Plus you can bring a friend along to do some trash talking and gossiping;  it is a good stress reliever as your sitting in those chairs wondering what the heck your nail lady is saying about you in her language. 

Change your hair & makeup

Change your hair & makeup

     b) Makeup – Whenever a girl gets new makeup she is always eager to not just play with it, but go out with it.  Get a new mascara that gives you fuller, longer lashes. Go ahead and get that $7 tube of mascara instead of your usual $3 tube.  You’ll feel more flirty.  Don’t be afraid to try a new color of eyeshadow. Are you used to wearing that more natural look? Get crazy and throw on that purple or black, whatever shade that is different from your usual style.  If you feel more comfortable with the natural look that’s fine too, it’s just as attractive.  Maybe just try a new earth tone color.  And of course every girl loves a good lipstick or lip gloss.  Be a little flirty or seductive.  Point is to feel sexy.
     c) Spa & Massages – Of course there is always just relaxing.  Go to a spa, get a nice facial or massage.  Let someone else take care of you.  Going to a spa and/or getting a massage is a great stress reliever.

6) Clean
     – Believe it or not, cleaning can be fun.  Turn some music on, and get out that Windex.  Clean your desk, car, bedroom, or any other room in the house, and you’ll find not only is cleaning therapeutic, it’s productive.  The external act of cleaning allows for an internal cleansing as well.  Plus then you have a clean office, home, and car; something that probably needed to be done anyways. 

7) Write It Out
      – So this should go along with venting to your friends, but sometimes a girl just needs to get out all her feelings to herself.  There’s always something you’d rather not whine about to your friends.  So write it in a journal – paper or online.  If you’re feeling artsy, use it as inspiration to write a new song, or a poem.  Turn your feelings into creative venues. 

 Then of course there are all the things listed and explained in Get That Guy Off Your Mind :
8 ) Work
      – Spending time at work, and working your butt off not only distracts you from thinking about the guy and the breakup, but it’s a good way to make more money, which doesn’t hurt if you need to do some of the suggestions listed above.

9) School
     – Catch up on your schoolwork, or get ahead.  Study, go to your classes, focus.  You’ll do better in school, and your mind will be on other things.
Work out

Work out

10) Fitness
      – Working out is not only a good stress reliever and another distraction from thinking about “him”, it’s healthy for you.  Getting in shape never hurts.  Get to the gym, work out at home, run on the beach  or around the block.  Play a sport, go hiking,  it doesn’t matter what you choose, any sort of physical activity is a good remedy.  Besides when working out has paid off, you’ll feel good about yourself and have more of a confidence boost.

Get That Guy Off Your Mind

September 17, 2009 1 comment

So we’re girls, right, and sometimes it is just impossible to not think about a certain guy (or guys).  And it drives us crazy at times, and we just wonder to ourselves, what do I do??

guy-girl-medWell best thing to do, is to not think about them.  Chances are they are not thinking about you as much as you are thinking about them.  Happens all the time when we become smitten over some guy, OR we can not stop thinking about how big of a douche bag some guy was.

Best thing to do is to try and distract yourself. (Duh).  But how can we?  Some women think it is impossible, and that she is just never going to be able to get over it.  Well you totally can ladies. 

So there can be two different aspects to wanting to not think about a certain guy: 

1)First is some guy that you do not really care for anymore but just can not seem to avoid thinking about.  Whether it is an ex, some guy you were dating, or either of the two, that ended up being a total douchebag and screwing you over in some way.
2)Second is a guy that you are totally into and/or dating but you are still in that awkward he-does not-want-a-relationship-yet-so-gotta-play-it-cool-phase.  You don’t want to crowd him, you want to respectfully give him his space, and although you totally understand the situation, while he’s off doing his thing, and while you may have your own thing to do, you still think about him constantly. No?  Don’t be freaked out gentleman if you ever hear that from a  girl, it is just what we do. We all do. 

So we need ways to get guys off our minds!  Men think about sex every six seconds, and we think about them every six seconds.  So here are some things that you can do to free your mind from that certain guy.

So in the first case.  A guy that is a lost cause….. You do not want to be still worrying or thinking about them.  Don’t be mistaken, you still want to learn from any mistakes from those situations, but when called for. 
-First of all if the guy was a douche bag, the solution should be easy, maybe cheesy, but easy…go look for another guy to think about.  Although it could wind up being the same cycle, that is something you can deal with later.  But move on for the moment.  How to go look for another guy?  Well if you want to take the easy way out….just go to a bar or club, or a party, or out somewhere where you know there will be guys to hit on, or have hit on you.  This of course is not the option I recommend, but thought I’d get the easy solution out of the way first.
-Then there is realizing that you yourself as a woman and a person, does not necessarily need anyone at all.  You are you, live your life, love your life and yourself, and realize you do not need someone to feel great about yourself.  This often helps you to become more focused on other things that you need to work on.  Other things that are often good distractions in either “Get that guy off your mind” situation.  What kind of things??
                                  1) Work – sometimes we lose track of our need to work, and start taking time off to spend with a guy.  Do not do this to yourselves because it always comes around to bite you in the butt if things do not work out.  Start working more, and distracting yourself with work to get that guy off your mind.  The extra cash flow will also make you feel better.  And then if it was a really bad guy situation, after you get that cash flow going, if you are still not over it, you can do some retail therapy. 🙂
                                2) School – If you are in school, good. Meaning school is a great way to try and get other things other than school, off your mind.  Sometimes homework and studying sucks, but force yourself to do it.  Crunch those numbers, study those chemical reactions, as boring as it might be, you will be distracted, and gain some knowledge at the same time.  It never hurts to do better in school. 
-Put your priorities first ladies, and everything else should fall into place.  When you find yourself focusing on yourself more, and you are not out there looking for something, it all comes back around to you eventually.

Another great distraction is physical activites.  This could mean running, swimming, playing some ball, whatever physical activity you prefer, helps.  It also gets you in better shape too; this could be a confidence booster you need too.  Then you will be feeling so great, you will be like “Bob who? Whatever, I’m looking gooood.”  My personal preference, would have to be rock climbing.  It is not for everyone, but I find that when I am climbing, I do not think about anything else.  Not about stresses from school, work, or……guys.  Your mind is completely cleared, and all you are worrying about is the route you are trying to finish on the wall.  Awesome stress-reliever, awesome source of distraction.

Alright so if any of the above options seem like they would bore you, or that they would not distract you enough, or you would find yourself still thinking about said guy between the times such as “I do not want to study right now, I don’t know how to do this equation, I need a study break”, there is always the best option.  A more fun option:  Go hang out with your friends!!  If you are still needing the human interaction go out with your friends!  Go for a drive with them, some sort of adventure, out to a bar, whatever; just get out there and do something with your friends.  Of course try to refrain from talking about guys, because even though sometimes venting about guys feels good to do with your friends, and no matter how much they tell you he was a douche bag to make you feel better….you still are thinking about the guy!  Get your nails done, dress up for no reason, grab a cocktail.  Don’t drink? Grab a freakin’ Martinelli and pretend it is champagne while you girl-time it up and watch your favorite sitcom or movie.  And refrain from the movies that are going to remind you of “that guy”.  Of course it does not just have to be your girlfriends, you can hang out with your guy friends too or a mixture of both.  Sometimes hanging out with your good guy friends can be better because then you can see some guys are actually trust-worthy, well, to you at least.  Making traditional days with your friends is also a good idea.  If there is a day out of the week you and your friends decide to always do something, then both you, and the guy, will know that there is a time where you both will be able to take some space from each other and do your own things.  Example: Every Tuesday my good group of friends and I would go to a restaurant/bar for two-dollar Tuesdays, then go to a local bar and play beer pong or sing karaeoke, every week; we call them Traditional Tuesdays.   Great source of distraction, once again.  Plus you never want to be the type of friend that disappears on your friends for some guy, because in the end who else are you going to have to go to when things fall through?

All of these options are useful whether you are permanently trying to get a guy off your mind, or just temporarily while you two are taking some space from each other.  And don’t ever crowd a guy, give him his space.  And while he is having his space, go frolic at the beach with your friends.

 

originally published on Jul 24, 2009 @ 1:54

Kinky = Faithful

September 9, 2009 Leave a comment
Keep her happy in bed.

Keep her happy in bed.

Most guys like their girls to be a little kinky in bed (or a lot), or to at least be every now and then.  At least changing it up from the ol’ missionary position.  Well from a girl being kinky with you, can come some good news, fellows.  Studies have shown that the kinkier a girl is in bed with you, the more faithful she is likely to be with you.  Kinky doesn’t mean slut or nympho.  If a girl is willing to get kinky in bed with you, it means that she feels comfortable enough with you to do different kinds of things.  And if a girl feels really comfortable with you, it means she likes you, and is well, comfortable just being with you.  She is less likely to go hook up with some other guy(s). 

If you ever come across a “starfish” gentleman, be concerned.  Don’t know what a “starfish” is?  Basically it’s a girl who just lays there on her back, doing nothing, legs and arms spread open.  Boring for you, and if she’s not willing to even budge, you should probably bet she IS willing to go hook up with other guys.  That or she’s just really dull.  And what fun is that to keep around anyways.  Now this doesn’t mean look for your girl to be handcuffing you to the bed and pulling out a whip kind of kinky, although I suppose that would count, but if she’s trying more than the standard two positions, and is willing to exchange oral sex as well…yea, she’s comfortable with you.  Another good sign, is if she wears lingerie for you or sends you pictures of her wearing lingerie.  Most girls don’t just send you lingerie pictures unless they feel comfortable and safe enough with you to do so.  Especially with the way things spread on the internet these days, it’s a huge security risk.  So keep things interesting in the bedroom and keep her happy in bed, and if she’s keeping things interesting in the bedroom, then you have nothing to worry about. 

Note: Never make a determination after the first time you have sex with an individual; you can’t determine a comfort level after the first time.

Money Men?

July 12, 2009 Leave a comment

Alright so we all have dated guys that either spend money on you or don’t right?  And then there’s the ones that try and impress you with their money.

First of all, guys, you don’t have to have money to impress us or make us fall in love with you.

So let’s start with the guys who don’t spend money on you. 
             There’s three types:
                  1) He doesn’t have money but he tries to take care of you anyways.
                  2) He has money but won’t spend it on you.
                  3) He is a loser and somehow you are supporting the both of you.

So guy who doesn’t spend money on you #1:
               He may be a sweet guy that just cannot afford to take care of you, but will still try to pay for a drink or a meal here and there.  This guy is still an okay guy ladies.  Money isn’t everything, if he is trying, give him the benefit.  We like these types of guys.  Some guys are old fashioned still and like to pay for girls, but just cannot afford it. Present realization: the economy sucks, give him a break.  You’re not a princess that needs to be spoiled, don’t look at him as a loser just because he’s not feeding to your every need.

Guy that won’t spend money on you #2:
                 Either he is a cheap bastard, a penny pincher, or just doesn’t really care to spend his money on you.  Perhaps he feels he has worked hard for his money and he doesn’t need to spend it on you, it’s his money. Okay understandable.  But how about every once and awhile?  Yes we ladies are adults too, we should be able to support ourselves but hey guess what sometimes it’s nice to have a guy that will occasionally (or always) pay for you.  Because let’s face it, sometimes us girls even though we don’t have any money, we still spend it whether we have it or not, on hanging out with those guys.  Because we just want to hang out with them, we’ll put ourselves in debt for them.  Don’t do this ladies.  Don’t make all the effort to hang out with a guy, if he really wants to hang out with you, he’ll contribute to it. 

Guy that won’t spend money on you #3:
                   Okay, so this guy is just a loser, has nothing going for him, doesn’t really care to earn or save money, but ladies, sometimes we like to date losers or dicks, because we think we can change them, or because “we care about them”, or “he cares about me”.  And so we will find ourselves paying for ourselves, and them, whether or not we can really afford it.  Somehow we turn into the man of the relationship.  Yes, this is the 21st century.  But run from these fools ladies.  It’s one thing for them to try and can’t, but it’s another when they really don’t give a shit.  If they have an attitude where they don’t see their loser-esque as a problem, do you really want to be with them??

 Men that try to impress you with their money:
                   1) The type you just meet that thinks throwing money left and right at you is going to not only impress you, but that it is going to get you.
                   2) The type that had you, lost you, and likes to tell you how he has all this money now. 

Man trying to impress you with money #1:
                  You meet a guy and it seems to be going okay at first, whether it is a first meet and chat at the bar, or after a couple dates.  He throws his money around like it’s no deal at all, and hey that’s great at first right? Well when he starts talking about nothing but money, then you might have a problem.  If he will barely let you get a word out, and all he is talking about is his great job, his great car, blah blah blah, I mean yea we like successful guys, but not ones who’s attitude reflects nothing but how conceited they are.  Hey some girls may be that shallow, but if either party is looking for something more towards the relationship side of things, you don’t want to be with someone so shallow.

 Man trying to impress you with money #2:
                    Alright so the two of you went out, he used to pay for stuff then started to get stingy with his money.  Then the two of you break up for other reasons.  He becomes a “day late, dollar short” type of guy (see “Day Late, Dollar Short” post for reference).  He starts hitting you up again, and sensing you are not really feeling it, decides to tell you how he has this new job, how he has a house now, and alllll this money.  Hmmm, that’s nice, good for you, but it does not change the fact you were a complete dickhole when we were going out.  He offers to take you to all these places, just “give me another chance.”  I’m sorry I do not care about your old or new money or how much of it you are going to throw at me.  It does not change the fact that you are an ass, and that that is not going to change. Sorry bud.  You can have all the money in the world, honestly I do not care.  I might let you take me out once and spend your fancy money on me, but it is just silent retribution for how you treated me before.  And ladies if you do decide to let him, he kept offering to take you out, you just agreed, you do not have to lead him on into thinking anything is going to go anywhere.  In fact you may mention that to him, and he might still persist.  Hey he was warned.  Do not fall for these type of guys ladies, no matter how much they tell you they are going to take care of you now, IT DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE STILL DICKS.  Especially when their before attitude is still quite apparent. 

So what to take from all this ladies?
              Do not date a guy when the only positive quality about him is his money, or if he is arrogant about his money, or he never even tried to really spend a cent on you. 
               Stick to the gentleman that does or does not have money and are legitimately trying to, well, be a gentleman when it comes to money.  We are not all shallow, guys, but we know when a guy is putting some positive effort into things or not.  Guys: Don’t be a cheapass when it really is not necessary, and don’t be an arrogant richass.
              Ladies it is okay to occassionally pay for your own stuff.  Never expect a guy to pay for you, okay?  And always offer to pay your half at least, whether you know or not if the guy is going to pay anyways.  And guys, sometimes a lady might offer to pay for herself, and genuinely is not one to expect a guy to pay, or feels bad when the guy does. And even if she cannot afford to, well she’s never going to tell you that.  Because that type of girl is just happy to have gotten the chance to go out with you; she was not looking for a paid date.  (The type you might want to keep).

Just use common sense ladies, money is not everything.  And please do not be the type us here do not want to be.  If you are, then, well thank you, because you narrow the fishing pool of genuine ladies that certain guys are looking for.

(P.s. I am not trying to say we want guys to pay for our stuff.  Just tips of what to watch out for or to look for in guys that like to bring money into the equation).