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Stage 5 Clingers

February 2, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

So you’re going through that dating stage, and whether or you’re looking for a potential relationship, or just a casual dating type thing, there are certain aspects you look for in a person, and certain aspects that turn you away from a person. One such aspect is a Stage 5 Clinger.

Don't be a Stage 5 Clinger

What’s a Stage 5 Clinger you ask? Well, it’s someone, guy or girl, who gets attached and clingy really fast or really bad, sooner than they should at all.  According to Urban Dictionary, a Stage 5 Clinger is “A member of the opposite sex that is likely to become overly attached, overly fast. Virgins, those on the rebound, and the emotionally fragile are more likely to have this term applied to them. Originally from the movie Wedding Crashers.”

 There’s defenses and offenses to getting attached to someone. One might become clingy super fast as an insecurity or maybe they’re just really digging you, but as a security one should never get too clingy too soon, when it’s too soon to determine if there’s potential relationship material there or not.

Getting attached to someone too soon could be dangerous for you yourself, as not even knowing this person that well yet, no matter how much you tell yourself “but we connected right away and so well and I’m really comfortable with them” can be bad.  On the other side of the equation, allowing someone to feel this way about you too soon is dangerous as well.  You can end up hurting them, and as common decency, you don’t want to do that. Plus, if you managed to rope a crazy one, who knows what they could end up doing to your car.

So what are some signs of a Stage 5 Clinger?
For sake of not getting too confused we are going to call the person in question “Clinger” whether it’s determined if they are one or not yet.  This way in looking at the signs, you don’t get confused with who’s being talked about in the mumble jumble of he’s, she’s, the opposite sex, etc.  And, sometimes I will be talking in general on ways to not be a clinger.

1) Jealousy too soon
 So you just met or just started hanging out and let’s say, oh, a week goes by.  You all go out with friends or just each other, and already “Clinger” is playing the jealous card.  Say you’re dancing with friends, and you are dancing with one that is of the opposite sex.  You’re clearly just having a good time dancing, but “Clinger” gets upset at you for dancing with another person of the opposite sex and clearly either states that, or acts jealous and tries to storm out.  Nonchalantly too.  You don’t belong to this person yet.  Not even close, so who are they to start making some claim on you already?  It might be time to reassess the situation of dating this person already. 

Blowing up your phone

2) Blowing up your phone
We all know there is some stupid unwritten rule that has been implanted in our brains whether we decide to follow it or not we think about it, that after first meeting or hanging out with someone that you should wait that dreaded number THREE days before trying to call or text them.  If someone is interested in you, they will call or text you.  Whether it’s the next day, or 2, 3 days, or even more away.  Point is if they are interested and they like you, they will want to see you again.  So, “Clinger” texts you right away from the minute you part.  Okay it might be a kind of cute, “nice hanging out with you tonight” sort of end to the night type thing.  But,  if the next day you wake to a text from them, or they are blowing your phone up all day for the next few days before you were planning on seeing them again, this might be a sign.  If they are constantly asking you what you are doing, as if they have some insecurity that you could be with someone else, you might need to tell them to chill. 

3) Too cutesy too fast
You are getting cutesy messages or comments at what you feel is too fast.  They tell you I wish you were here in bed with me, my bed feels empty, I want to cuddle, I miss you already, etc.    Or, they start calling you cutesy names way too soon when you haven’t even established if you’re dating or not yet.  The baby baby baby, sweetie, darling, sweethearts is too soon, especially if you’re not even comfortable holding the person’s hand in public yet. (If the girl is the “Clinger”, they get a shorter allowed time span, whereas if a guy starts doing this too soon, it’s worse then if a girl does, as they are not usually the ones to start with the cutesy names for awhile).  If you haven’t at any way hinted that you want to talk mushy talk yet but they clearly are talking to you like this, you might have a Stage 5 Clinger on your hands.  And, if they keep calling you the cutesy names and are delusional to the fact you haven’t once said anything remotely like that yet, then they’re getting a little ahead of themselves.

4) They spoil you
It is nice to receive gifts from someone you’re seeing, let’s you know they’re thinking about you, but in discretion.  If you are constantly being bombarded by flowers and whatnot, and again you havn’t established anything past “hanging out” you might want to be cautious.  Say you have only been hanging out with “Clinger” for a little while and there is a holiday coming up such as Christmas, and they get you a gift.  First, again, you havn’t established anything with this person yet, and second, gift giving is usually made between two people that have known each other and been hanging out for a good period of time.  Even more in the safe zone of knowing it’s okay to give someone a gift, is if you know you’ve had a steady little “relationship” going for awhile where you know each other is interested in one another.

5) They give you their itinerary
If “Clinger” feels the need to tell you their daily itinerary, from where they went, what they did, to what they ate, and you didn’t even ask, this could be annoying.  Unless you are in a defined relationship, you should still be on the edge of your seat of what’s okay to randomly text the person you are interested in.  You should still be on your guard, not totally dependent on the idea that you have nothing to worry about.  And, if you do have insecurities about where you are with this person, you definitely do not show it.  Part of people just randomly giving you their itinerary of the day is in hopes that you will respond back with what your itinerary of the day is. 

If only it was this easy to tell

6) They Google you
They look into everything you say. Or they “google” things they know about you based off of your Facebook info.  Hello, it’s called conversation, wait to have it.
>You can have an interest in what someone is interested in, but don’t go into stalker mode.   If you do see their Facebook information, don’t just blurt out the next time you talk to them, “Oh so you like this this this n that….” as if you already know their whole life.  It is okay to out of curiosity maybe google something that someone was talking about that you knew nothing about; for example if the person said Peter Lik’s photography is amazing, you are going to have a natural curiosity to go check out some of his work and see just how amazing it really is.  However, if you suddenly start finding out the life history of Peter Lik, buying copies of his work, or looking for art shows with him to try and impress the other person, that is a little much.  It’s okay to be like “I looked up Peter Lik’s stuff and I really liked the Sunlit Birches photo”.  Again, taking an interest in the other person’s interests is OKAY, but going home and doing your homework on a person’s interest is not okay.  And, it becomes clear when “Clinger” is doing this, as they will make it obvious in their conversation with you.

7) A one night stand gone wrong
You meet someone, you hook up, and you really planned that it would just be a one night stand.   Well the person seems to not have grasped this concept although you may have made it obvious, and constantly is blowing up your phone.  Then, after awhile of not answering them, they start to get angry, and send you angry messages saying you’re a dick, a bitch, you know, things along those lines.  Don’t even try and “tap” that again, just run.  This is clearly not someone you would want to try and date if they are so quick to over react.  If you did decide to give this person another chance, they would probably just turn into a Stage 5 Clinger. 

8 ) They’re in your driveway
So, you decide not to hang out with “Clinger” one night, and you’re out, and you start getting weird messages from “Clinger”.  They’re asking what you’re doing, where are you, then you get the wierd messages: “Why aren’t you at home?  You said  you were going to stay home tonight.  I don’t see your car at home. I’m in your driveway.”  Your situation just went from “maybe they’re just getting attached too fast” to “okay, they’re crazy”.  You’ve got a major Stage 5 on your hands and need to cut off all ties while you can. 

What to do if you do have a Stage 5 Clinger:
9) Run Away
Either you can totally just drop the person if it’s become too much. Especially if it reaches the creepy level.  But if you have discovered the person is a TRUE Stage 5 Clinger, you have to cut them loose.  Try and do it in the most decent way you know how, and if they’re so clingy that that doesn’t work, you may just want to change your number despite the fact you have stopped responding to them for awhile now.

10) Work on it
If you do actually like the person but you feel they’re getting clingy too fast, and you need some more space then you’re getting, then just communicate that with them.   Don’t be quick to just drop them without communicating to them first how you feel.  Unless they show absolute signs of crazy, it might be something you could work out.  Some people come from other relationships and are used to one lifestyle of being with someone and may not even know they are being clingy because it was something they got used to with the last person.  Some people might not be sure how you operate and are just going with what they think they should with you.  Either way, if you liked the person before you decided to label them a clinger, try talking to them about it first.  If things don’t get any better after that, well at least you tried.

Look, sometimes you can’t tell if someone  is a Stage 5 Clinger until it’s too late.  You can try and use the signs above to help you figure it out, but when it comes down to it, you’re just going to have to use your better judgement.  And, everyone is different and works in their own ways.  Don’t be quick to label a person a Stage 5 Clinger, and just be done with it, because you could misjudge someone and miss out on a great opportunity.  It’s okay to have some sort of attachment to each other, but it’s up to you to determine how much is too soon, and how soon too soon is.  Always have your guard up and be cautious of the people you are dating.

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